I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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