Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
