god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
