i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's shark week go big or go home
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
