well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
