I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
