Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
