Got a toothbrush?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
