Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
