i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
