dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
