OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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