So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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