How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
