I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
no you cant smoke seaweed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
