false alarm. still invincible.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We left the knife in your bed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
