You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
