coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
