Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
