pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
