Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
