so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize