I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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