i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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