i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
