I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
