He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
