if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
