True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
