You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
