he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize