you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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