I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i love accidental penises.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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