umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
