I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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