They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's never too late to be topless.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
