Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
