Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
