if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
