I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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