oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
