i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
