You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
