Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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