maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
