did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
