Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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