Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
