In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
