Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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