is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
