4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
