I hope mine doesn't look like that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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