piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
