Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
