apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
