so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
