I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
