I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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