Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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