zippers are such a cool invention
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
