So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
