I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i think i just lost a toe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
