I think my fart just growled at me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
