I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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