oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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