Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
