Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
