SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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