i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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