so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
