How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
