Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
