he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
