I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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