i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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