hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm both gender and math confused
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
