***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
