Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
