their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
