thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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