I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
