get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
