This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
