There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
