U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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