what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
