so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
