We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
