How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
