He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
