I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
