Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
