Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
