Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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