here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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