She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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