Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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