she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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