Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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