Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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