You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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