Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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